Jesus I Do
"Here For It All"
I’ve been noticing how hard I try to manipulate my future.
Are my efforts to control EVER successful? Hell no. People don’t suddenly bend to my will. My comment on someone’s Facebook post doesn’t inspire world peace.
I realized that I exert control more often than I choose faith. The more I get called out, the more I recognize how important it is to shift that habit. Staying present has ALWAYS worked for me. But a new spiritual tool just invited itself into my life that I never saw coming.
The Bible.
My personal commitment to write an article dedicated to every song on Mariah Carey’s new album, “Here For It All” should have been my first clue. I bristled at the title of a song dedicated to Jesus. I wished God was the central figure, instead of Jesus.
But just like the world doesn’t bend to my will, Mariah’s songs don’t instantly change after I form an opinion about them.
Mariah and Jesus are besties. That’s why she sings about him so much.
I felt the call to read the Bible on October 1st, the day I signed my lease. My new landlord had questions for me about the Bible. I have barely picked up the book since I decided Christianity was not my vibe. That was at least 20 years ago.
My inner wisdom guided me to commit to read the entire book.
That night, my Uncle Jeff reached out. He’s also besties with Jesus. I asked him to be my Bible study partner. We agreed to start with the New Testament. Right now, we’re on the Book of Luke.
The more I read, the less I vibe with Christianity.
What’s important is I’m learning how to grow from my discomfort. Just because I don’t vibe with that book, doesn’t mean it’s not worth my time and energy.
In the song “Jesus I Do”, the verse opens with:
When I am low
Whenever the world cuts me down
And I can’t seem to cope
You soothe me with salve
You fill me with faith so I’m never alone
I absolutely feel this way about God. Except for the word “Jesus”, every word of this song resonates with me. Am I going to focus on the one word that isn’t my vibe? Or can I appreciate how much I resonate with all of the rest?
This song has come with a very valuable lesson of acceptance. My life has shown me just how important this lesson is for me. Reading the Bible supports me in learning to accept people with different beliefs than my own.
If I want to see more acceptance, tolerance and spiritual growth in our country, I have to be willing to live by example. I have to read books that make me uncomfortable if I want to see others do the same.
I’ve learned the hard way that making an effort for the purpose of changing the world doesn’t count. I can’t take action in hopes that my example will change others. I have to change fundamentally. How can I teach others to face emotional discomfort if I don’t know how to move through it myself?
This is what being the change I wish to see in the world really looks like. Noticing my temptations to control, then shifting my habit in real time. I’m better at it in some moments than others. I’m finding myself apologizing a lot more than usual.
I’m super excited for next Tuesday’s “Making Peace With Your Inner Shit-Talker” virtual program. When I am in a fundamental shift, it’s helpful to surround myself with community. The people who have already signed up are beautiful examples of the change they wish to see in the world. There are still spaces available, so you’re welcome to join us.
I’d love to read about your relationship with control vs. faith. What tools have been supportive for you? What have you learned from your personal journey?
Few people know as much about my spiritual evolution as you.
You were there at the start - prior to the Spiritual Emergency that was misdiagnosed as a psychotic episode.
You were there when I, and then you, discovered (and was influenced by) CWG.
Then there was Meditation.
Finally (at least up to now) there are my own conversations with the small still voice.
Like you, I feel no connection to Jesus. I haven't reached out to him, and he has not come knocking at my door.
Uncle Jeff, however, has a very strong connection to both Jesus and The Bible. Sometimes, he and I have conversations on the subject which spread over a few days.
He and I disagree most on one key point. He believes that everyone must go through Jesus to reach God, and eventually go to heaven. My personal experience demonstrates to me that it's not true. God is just not that strict.
Jeff doesn't believe in reincarnation, yet I have strong evidence to the contrary.
Something I Don't think I ever told you:
I once asked Paulette who you were in my past life. She said you were my teacher. She commented further and said that if I were open to it, she (you) has some important lessons to teach you now.
Did you know it was me who invited your spirit into the fetus that grew into you?
Your first challenge was having to survive a deliberate attack while still in the womb. Yes your twin tried to strangle you - the age-old struggle between good and evil playing out in real time.
KC love this piece. Thanks for the humor and the deep inspiration. I realize a lot that I am trying to control things and I am not always aware of it. An excessive need to or trying to control things in my mind often shows up as jaw tension, shallow breathing or overall body tension. When I first feel the discomfort of that physical tightness it almost always shifts my nervous system into a more para-sympathetic state (rest/digest as opposed to fight/flight). In that space, I can move into greater awareness of that which I am attempting to control and consciously choose in that moment to relinquish control…maybe only for a few seconds or a minute, but it is release none the less. This repetition only creates more and more space. Hope this all make sense. Peace and thanks again for your sharing